34 Ways to Suck at Hockey

Becoming a great hockey player is hard.

While being bad is easier, it doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes work. If you are truly aspiring to be awful, here are a few things you can do:

  1. Abandon your position
  2. Lose your cool
  3. Hesitate along the blue line
  4. Stop moving your feet
  5. Screen your own goalie
  6. Take your stick off the ice while in the slot
  7. Skate with your head down
  8. Arrive late
  9. Give up when someone gets by you
  10. Rely heavily on your stickhandling abilities
  11. Be lukewarm
  12. Neglect to play the body
  13. Fear shooting
  14. Blame the refs, your equipment, your poor eating/sleeping habits
  15. Take long shifts when you are “feeling it”
  16. Think you are too good to practice
  17. Spend $ on useless equipment
  18. Take ice time for granted
  19. Celebrate excessively
  20. Assume your teammates will provide tape
  21. Leave the game without shaking hands
  22. Tease someone who is striving to improve
  23. Ignore open linemates
  24. Avoid learning the rules
  25. Hog the puck
  26. Eat too much before a game
  27. Forget to bring water
  28. Forget your cup
  29. Act like an all-star in warm-ups
  30. Lose focus
  31. Lose control
  32. Force it
  33. Shun advice from your coach and linemates
  34. Think you are too old to start/break a habit
What would you add to this list?
Thumbnail image by Cesar Astudillo


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